Thursday, December 17, 2009

Dealing With Life

The past few weeks, I have shared some of the events that have been going on with my family. Summer's seizure & migraine problems, The Hubbeast's panic attacks, etc... But, what I have not shared about is my own battle with depression & panic. For years I have battled depression and and agoraphobia and have been on medication for it. Up until the past few weeks, everything was OK ( except for having to MAKE myself leave my home). Then last Thursday, I had my first panic attack. Out of the blue, nothing seemed to set it off at the time. I started feeling like I couldn't get enough air, like I was running a marathon. I was getting light headed and getting these waves of heat over me. I was also experiencing severe stomach upset and couldn't get the words out that I wanted to say. I thought it was my heart condition (I have aortic regurgitation) and was trying to keep myself calm. Finally, after 45 minutes, I called the Hubbeast. He got home about 20 minutes later and took me to the closest urgent care.

At urgent care, I didn't want the Hubbeast in the room with me so, the nurses thought that he had something to do with what was going on. I tried to explain to them that he didn't even though I was having a hard time breathing. After a few minutes, things seemed to calm some. Then another of the waves hit me. The nurses were so sweet, talking to me so calmly. (they were both men & really cute to boot). They said that they had never seen someone having a panic attack so calmly before (I didn't feel calm). After a bit, I was OK and they sent me home.

Since then, I have felt the same thing several times a day. Not to the same degree as last Thursday but still there. Yesterday the doctor changed my meds to Paxil which is used for depression and panic disorder. I took my first pill this morning, so far so good.

The reason I have decided to share this with everyone is because I know that I am not the only one going through this. And, to give others that are dealing with depression, phobias, and panic attacks hope. Life throws some things at us that are beyond our control, even things physically. Something I have had to learn the past few weeks is that no one can be strong 100% of the time and you are not weak for asking for help.

Hugz to everyone!


  1. I've been dealing with depression and panic atacks since I've had my daughter, that is 3 and a half years ago. For two years I was on medication, but it didn't really help (maybe a bit with the panic atacks so now I try to tackle it on my own. Some days is better, some days is worse, but i don't want to go back to medication...
    I know how difficult it is for you...but you are strong and you'll get through everything. Chin up!

  2. You're not alone. I was first diagnosed about five years ago and was on meds for a few months, then they went away. They came back last year and I was on meds for a couple of months.

    I currently am not taking any meds but still get them sometimes, though not as often as I used to.

    I just pray and accept how I'm feeling, as miserable as it is. I also remind myself that they can't hurt me, that nothing I did caused them and that they will be gone soon, and that I can breathe.

    Sometimes people tend to have "triggers" and blame those situations for the attacks, which causes you to want to avoid those situations. The more I go and do the things I used to avoid, the less hold this has on me.

    I also have Bible verses printed on cards so that I can think truth if one comes on.


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